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The following short story was awarded second place at the 1988 Student-Authored Book Affaire by The Monterey County Reading Association and The Monterey County Office of Education.

Bert and Ernie were getting ready for the going away party for Maria, Bob, Gordon, Susan and Olivia. Their house was such a wreck and they needed to get it cleaned up because the guests would be arriving soon.

After about an hour they finally finished cleaning. Just then the doorbell rang and when Ernie answered it, Grover was there.

“This is going to be some party,” said Grover.

“Yeah,” said Ernie. “We spent all day cleaning this joint up. Would you like something to drink?” Grover walked over to the couch and sat down.

“Gimme a light,” said Grover. Ernie brought him a flashlight.

“No, Bud Light,” clarified Grover. Ernie then went over to the fridge and brought him a can of beer. Grover opened it, chugged it and asked, “Got another one?”

Fifteen minutes later all of the beers were gone and the guests were slowly arriving.

Kermit, Oscar, Cookie Monster, Barkley, Big Bird and The Count were now all present. Then the guests of honor: Maria, Bob, Gordon, Susan and Olivia came. “Glad you could make it,” said Ernie. Everybody then all sat down and started to sing.

Big Bird went up to Maria and said, “I’m sorry Snuffy couldn’t come.”

“Big Bird, do you still believe in him?” asked Maria annoyingly.

“Yes, I do!” yelled Big Bird. He then ran out of the house.

Later that night, Maria, Bob, Gordon, Susan and Olivia left Sesame Street for early retirement.

The next morning, Ernie was in the bathroom brushing his teeth when Big Bird walked in unnoticed. He then took Ernie’s rubber duckie and beat him over the head with it. Ernie fell to the ground, dead. Bert came walking in and when he saw his friend’s lifeless body, he called the police. Big Bird got away.

A half hour later the police came and put Ernie’s body in the ambulance. As The Count strolled down the sidewalk, he caught a glimpse of Ernie and said, “Ha, ha, ha! One dead body! Ha, ha, ha!” He then continued on his walk.

Bert was so sad that his best friend died, he sold everything and moved to the Bahamas.

At Mr. Hooper’s store Cookie Monster, Kermit, Grover and Oscar sat eating Fruit Island Cereal. Just then Mr. Rogers came through the door; riding a twenty foot trolly.

“Boy, this doesn’t look like the Land of Make Believe,” he said.

“Of course not. This is Sesame Street,” replied Grover.

“Oh great!” said Mr. Rogers. “By the way, does anybody know why all those police cars are out front?”

“Our friend died,” answered Kermit.

“I’m sorry.”

“Would you like some breakfast?” asked Grover.

“What do you have?” Mr. Rogers asked back.

“Fruit Islands Cereal,” said Kermit.

“Yes please,” said Mr. Rogers as they proceeded to pour him a bowl. Then after one bite, he declared to his new friends, “Ayuma, ayuma.” Everybody laughed. The day appeared to be getting better.

Meanwhile at his castle, The Count sat watching “Love at First Bite” on television. He, of course, was not aware that Big Bird had slipped in earlier and put high voltage in The Count’s pipe organ. When the movie was over, he went to play the instrument. AS soon as he started, The Count was shocked to death. “Ha, ha, ha! Two dead bodies!” He then fell to the floor dead.

In another part of Sesame Street, Oscar was shopping for food in a garbage truck. Big Bird then came up behind him, took his can and pushed Oscar underneath the garbage. The truck started; Big Bird was driving it to the dump. There, Oscar was dumped into the trash compactor The walls began to move. “Help!!!” yelled Oscar as the walls bashed together. Big Bird just laughed.

Back at Mr. Hooper’s store, Mr. Rogers was on his 2oth bowl of Fruit Islands Cereal. He loved it.

Outside, Cookie Monster was pigging out on his favorite cookies, as usual. Suddenly he fell to the ground. Big Bird just stood watching him die. “Wow. That poison I put in his cookies sure worked fast.”

An hour later, Kermit the Frog was getting ready for his news report on the killer. “Hi Ho, this is Kermit the Frog and today on Sesame Street there is a killer on the loose. He or she has already killed Ernie, Cookie Monster, Oscar and The Count.” Just then Big Bird grabbed the microphone wire and stranged Kermit with it. “And me!” screamed Kermit, before his lifeless body fell to the ground.

Big Bird started walking to Mr. Hooper’s store when Grover came walking by. “Hi, Big Bird,” said Grover.

“Shut your mother, hippie,” said Big Bird. He then grabbed a knife under his feathers and stabbed Grover.

At that moment, Barkley the big dog was shuffling up the street towards the crime scene. Big Bird quickly took his knife and shaved off all the dog’s fur, except a mohawk. Barkley then died of terror when he saw himself in the window of the shop in front of him.

Big Bird headed into Mr. Hooper’s store, where Mr. Rogers was still eating. “Why did you kill all those wonderful people?” asked Mr. Rogers.

“Because nobody ever believed me that Snuffy was real,” replied Big Bird.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” said Mr. Rogers. He then took the automatic egg beater from behind the counter, turned it on and forced it into Big Bird’s stomach. Blood and feathers went all over the place. Big Bird was dead.

You would think Mr. Rogers would now lower his head in remembrance, but no. Instead he just smiled. “That was fun. I think I’ll give up my show on KQED and become a killer.”

He began singing, “It’s such a good feeling to know I’m alive, it’s such a happy feeling that we’re dying inside, and when you ake up ready to say, I’m going to kill somebody today. It’s such a good feeling, a very good feeling to know that I exist, and tomorrow’s new, and I’ll have more killing to do–and if you dare talk about, I’ll kill you.” He then got up and waved to his imaginary friends in TV land. “See you tomorrow. Bye!”

For the next ten years, Mr. Rogers was wanted everywhere for doing everything. The police finally caught him and put him in the Land of Make Believe prison.

Today’s episode of Sesame Street has been brought to you by the letters K, I and my the number, 11.

The End

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